Church at an Apple Store

When I first saw this video, I laughed…because it’s funny, I mean true lol-type funny. Here, watch it. You’ll see, it’s funny.

<object width=”640″ height=”390″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Bo2p82aTQzo?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0″></param><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”></param><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always”></param></object>

Right? How fun would that have been? I can’t believe they let all that in there. They even posed for pictures with Darth Vadar. Can you imagine ordering a pizza and having it delivered with the employee response of “cool.”

They were just glad he was there and enjoying the experience of Apple and to interact with their product.

That got me thinking.

How many of us walk into church and see:
“Please no food or drink in the sanctuary”. (unless you’re the pastor, we know you have to have your beverage)
Or have to be dressed a certain way.
Or be careful to sit in the right section.
Don’t dream about coming in hungover.
Be sure to leave your drug addicted college drop out son at home (that’s what we have a podcast for).
And BTW, your kid is making too much noise.

What are we most concerned with? Our beautiful building, our religious appearance, pretending to have it all together, and our seamless production? Or could we take a cue from Apple and focus on people and being sure they find a way to experience Christ in His fullest?

I just think sometimes we really take ourselves so seriously. I’m not talking about taking the presences of the Lord too seriously, I’m talking about taking too seriously those things we create. I wonder what would happen if we pushed those things down to the bottom more and put people and Christ first more often.

And can we stop pretending to be perfect? Yes, we’re forgiven. Yes, we are redeemed. And I understand you’ve never swore. But aren’t we all still working it all out? Sanctuary is supposed to mean a safe place of refuge, not just the place where you do church. What would happen if we let people come in just as they are, looking for answers, searching for direction. Messy? Probably. But maybe it’s not our job to clean it all up. Maybe, it’s best to leave that to our Creator?

Things that Stress me out

I was talking to someone the other day about job-related stress; and as I listened to them go on and on about how hard their job is and how stressful it was for them to work with certain people something dawned on me.  I realized that often when it comes to my role here at the church, I don’t really carry a ton of stress.  I’m not saying that church-work is stress free, but that I’ve learned to manage work related stress easier than other kinds of stress.

I can remember stressing out in a major way about big upcoming church events, or meeting with certain people and dreading every interaction and potential failure.  However, I really don’t stress about it too much anymore.  I would say that maybe I’ve learned that some things will work themselves out, and many of the dramas associated with church and ministry will work them selves out just fine without me stressing out over them.

So what do I stress out about? That’s a question I walked away from the above conversation thinking through… and here are 5 things I came up with:

• My wife stresses me out.  Now hold your horses before you go jumping to conclusions, my wife is a terrific person and does nothing in and of herself to purposefully stress me out.  What I mean is that if things are not right between us, it stresses me out.  I need the two of us to be on the same page on 90% of what’s happening in our lives, or I will feel massive amounts of stress.
• My kids super-stress me out.  Now here I’ll hold nothing back, plain and simply they stress me out.  They cry when they should be quiet, Josiah doesn’t always do as he’s told, he will leave little things on the floor for me to step on when I have my shoes off, and he rarely acts considerate in any way.  But of course they’re kids, so what can they do about any of that?  I’m not saying it ruins my day, but if I don’t have the right perspective when I get home…my kids will stress me out.
• My future stresses me out.  I don’t always like this “not knowing” part of life, and it can stress me out occasionally.
• Money stresses me out.  Not the “how will I ever spend this much” kind of stress, but the “I need more of this” kind of money stress.  I’m getting better, but honestly it has a tendency to stress me out.
• Work.  I know I said earlier that work doesn’t stress me out a ton, but I’d be lying if I said it NEVER stresses me out.  Particularly the part of managing a group of diverse individuals, and wanting God’s best for them while at the same time being held accountable to God’s best for our children’s ministry.  This always stresses me out the most at my work part of life.

How to Explain the Unexplainable.

A pretty severe thunderstorm rolled across the Florida sky after my kids were tucked into bed. Since the crash of thunder and flashes of lightening are common for our area, my children tend to sleep peacefully through the storms. So I was very surprised to discover my son scared, out of bed and asking to stay close to me while the storm passed. As I was reassuring him that we were in no danger, it dawned on me that many children are feeling a little sensitive to events that seem outside their control these days – especially in light of the recent disasters in Alabama, Japan and the news stories about all that is happening in the Middle East.

Perhaps you are struggling with how to reconcile the grievous nature of recent disasters and feeling the emotional effects of the nightly news in your home. Finding the right words to say to your children following horrific events can leave many of us feeling tongue-tied.

You’re not alone in your struggle to explain the unexplainable. While we can’t control when bad things happen, we absolutely can control how we respond and communicate with our children. Research tells us that there are some simple things you can do to help your children process through traumatic events and help aid their emotional healing process.

Don’t Delay
Regardless of the topic, be open to a discussion as the situation calls for it. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. Procrastinating on any difficult issue is ultimately a disservice to your children who are looking to you for information, comfort and help.

Create a Safe Place
Find a comfortable place for your conversation and elevate the position of your child. For example, you can sit on the floor while they sit in a chair. The space should be private so that the conversation is just between the two of you with minimal interruptions.

Respect Concerns
Avoid being critical or dismissive of questions and concerns. Keep the dialogue open and honest, and validate your child’s feelings.

Offer Comfort
Kids take their cues from you. When you react, they react. Be reassuring and provide simple honest answers. Reinforce that even in bad circumstances, we can trust God no matter what.

Be Sensitive to Emotions
After fear, the most common reactions among children to a catastrophic event are sadness and anger. Be aware that your child may show you their feelings through their actions in addition to the words they say.

Take Action
Offer ideas to your child about how you can help. Find organizations offering aid, and help your child participate through volunteering or purchasing needed items during your next shopping trip.

Monitor Media
While the nightly news may keep you well informed, the repeated images and news stories can make children feel like the events are happening over and over again. Limit exposure to media that repeats traumatic events in sound and pictures.

Still need a little help with your words?  Check out these age specific tips from the smart folks at Sesame Streetfor what to say when your child is scared:

2 years or younger: Let your child know it’s okay to feel scared. Even more than words, young children need tangible reassurance. Try providing your child with a comfort item to hold on to, and keep her close at hand. Lots of hugs help, too!

3 to 5: “It’s OK to feel scared. Can you tell Mommy/Daddy why you’re scared? Mommy loves you, and I will be here to keep you safe.”

6 to 11: Start by asking your child what she already knows about what has happened and how she’s feeling, so you know how to address her particular concerns. Reassure her that it’s okay to be scared, but that she is safe and will be cared for.

For additional resources on how to effectively communicate to your children following a traumatic event, you can visit the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry or the New York Child Study Center.

Who is Harry Whatiff

By Roger Fields

Who is Harry Whatif? He looks rather harmless. He’s not very big. He doesn’t try to get attention for himself. So who is he?

Harry is part virus, part troll. He lives inside your brain and has only one purpose in his miserable life: to stop you from doing anything productive or rewarding. He is very effective. He is the reason most people live average lives. He will chew up or deflate any worthy idea you want to try. If he can’t bite it, he will poke it.

Harry has been around a long time. Dates back to the Garden of Eden. He was even there when God promised Abraham a son. He was there when God called Moses to lead the people out of Egypt. He was there when the 12 spies prowled around in the Promise Land.

How does he do it?

Simple.

He brings up every “what it?” question he can stick in your mind. He torments us, worries us and eventually freezes us in place. Here are some of his favorite “what ifs.”

• What if…it doesn’t work?

• What if…people laugh?

• What if…nobody understands?

• What if…(heaven forbid) there are problems?

• What if…I’m not spiritual enough?

• What if…I’m not (you fill in the blank) enough?

• What if…people are offended?

• What if…I lose money, go broke and end up homeless on the street for the rest of my life?

There is no end to the “what ifs” that can stop you, slow you down and strip all the enjoyment out of life. Let me be blunt. Either YOU STOP HARRY or HE WILL STOP YOU. Period.

Research shows that Harry is right about 22% of the time. Some of the fears/worries/anxieties he uses to paralyze us actually come to pass. Most don’t. Most of the time he stops us so we never knew if he was right or not. He convinces us it’s too risky. Because we stop and assume he is right, we never find out for sure. Harry is right just enough to make himself at home in your head.

Harry hates action, loves stagnation. Anything that looks like forward motion makes Harry go into a fit.

He believes failure is final. He has never learned from a failure so he doesn’t think you can either. He has never heard of the idea that you can fail, adjust and then succeed. He thinks failure is the end of the world as we know it.

Most importantly Harry doesn’t trust God. He believes God is untrustworthy, fickle and critical. The idea of faith makes him nauseous.

Harry lives in your brain. He is not moving out. He’s not leaving. The only question is:  How much will you listen to him? The one good thing (if there is a good thing) about Harry is this: the more you ignore him the more discouraged he gets.

The next time you hear a “what if” in your brain remember where it came from…Harry.

Lessons to Teach your kids about Osama Bin Laden’s Death

Wow!!  What a crazy night for Americans!  The local programming was getting broken into for some breaking news.  What was happening.

• Was America under red alert for terrorist attacks?
• Is North Korea going to try to erase America from the map?
• Did soldiers take Osama out?
• Was the President just trying to overshadow Trump and Celebrity Apprentice?

Then President Obama took the spotlight, front row and center and informed the Country that “Osama Bin Laden has been killed!”  This is a monumental win for a nation that has been desperate for a monumental win.  It reminded me of President Bush’s speech just on the heels of 9.11 that rallied a hurting nation.

I believe that parents should not let this slip by, we should take the time to unpack the significance of this event with our kids…

7 Lessons To Teach Your Kids About Osama Bin Laden’s death

• REMEMBER: Rough estimates show that nearly 3,500 people were killed in the 9.11 attacks.  Those killed that day were moms, dads, uncles, aunts, children, police as well as fire fighters.  The briefing of Osama’s death is monumental to Americans but HISTORIC to the families of those that lost loved ones.
• UNITED: I will never forget the clips of American’s gathering in front of the White House waving flags and singing the National Anthem.  Teach your kids that American’s will always disagree on politics, religion and war but today they are seeing a Nation that is rallying and united!
• SOWING & REAPING: Scripture is very clear that what you sew  you will reap.  Osama sewed a life full of hatred, evil and murder and he has just reaped the crop of death.
• GRATITUDE: We live in a world where nations are starving, people are abused and evil dictators control their people.  But we have the grand opportunity to live in a Country that does has problems,  but we are free!  Our kids should not take this for granted and must walk in gratitude.
• TERRORISM LIVES: This has been an epic night for America!  However, we must prepare our kids that while this is a win for America, terrorism still lives.  Parents should take this time to prepare our kids for even greater outbreaks of terrorism.
• GOD IS IN CONTROL: Parents, take this opportunity to reinforce that God is in control.  I don’t pretend to know or believe that it is God’s will or plan for American Troops to take out Osama, but nevertheless in the good times and in the bad, God is in control.
• GOD LOVED OSAMA: This is where many of you may check out!  Yes!  Osama was a murderer that is full of hate and evil but I believe that no matter how evil this man was, God still loves him.  Parents must teach their kids that God’s love is not dependent on what we do or do not do.

What did I miss?  What else should we be teaching our kids about the death of Osama Bin Laden?

Some Kids Can’t Be Forgiven

Some kids can’t be forgiven.

That’s an awful thought. I’m not suggesting a child can do something so bad they can never be forgiven. It’s just that some kids grow up in a relational context so dysfunctional they never experience the power of authentic reconciliation.

I recently had the opportunity to read an article from Geoffrey Canada about children who grow up in disadvantaged environments. Canada is an education reformer who grew up in Harlem, went to Harvard and came back to Harlem to start the Harlem Children’s Zone. He has dedicated his life to give kids a better chance. He helps them get into college and into a better quality of life. In his book, “Reaching Up for Manhood,” Canada describes the void that exists where there are no caring adults to demonstrate forgiveness to kids.

According to Canada, kids need to grow up with a certain level of failure so they can understand it’s possible to move beyond their mistakes. They need to know that they can be forgiven, not only by their parents but by others adults as well.  He says churches can be key in providing the missing ingredient of forgiveness in the lives of kids.

Why should this be important to you as a parent? It’s just another reason you should “widen the circle” for children so they can experience a broader span of forgiveness from other adults.

Canada says we should “make sure there are always other people in a boy’s life who haven’t given up on him, a family member, a teacher, or a mentor. I know from experience that if adults hang in there, boys often do change.”

He also gives some practical advice on what to say and not to say. He says “we always give them the message of salvation and forgiveness with our chastisements.” Canada says too many kids hear phrases like ‘There’s no hope for you” or “You’ll never change.’” Canada says this is where churches make a difference: “This is what many faith leaders are good at saying to young people: ‘I know you can change.’”

We will all need to restart our life from time to time. When a child has a first-hand encounter with grace and forgiveness, it builds a sense of hope they can get another chance.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace

I do want to do good. I want to be defined by my ability to offer second chances, to show grace to nasty situations, and be a person that responds quickly in love. However, I’m constantly battling the same thing.  This thing could easily be stated as a question.

When an opportunity comes for me to show grace, or maybe the situation is screaming for me to give a second chance, or maybe I’m convicted deep within my heart to act quickly to extend love to an unloveable person…I’m confronted with this question somewhere down in my heart and mind.

“Is this convenient right now?”

What a stupid question.  I’m not saying that I verbally say this to myself, or even articulate my thoughts to think this question.  What I do is use this question as the filter through which I make all grace that comes from me pass through.  It’s a lousy self-centered filter, but nonetheless the Inconvenient Nature of Grace is difficult to overcome.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace is a struggle for me, because at it’s heart the question of whether something is convenient for me is important.  There are many varieties of the question:

Can I afford this financially right now?

What will my wife say if I do this without talking to her first?

Do I have a family commitment to make right now?

Is this really a part of my job description?

All of these questions are good to ask for most situations, but to be a person defined by giving second chances, extending grace, and reflecting God’s heart to teh world…I have to move beyond it.  And beyond it quickly.

1 Corinthians 15:10

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

That’s my confession.  What keeps you from quickly showing Grace when the situation calls for it?

Why is Homework Important?

Got a son that doesn’t want to succeed in school? Doesn’t care? Leaves you baffled with your jaw dropped on the ground?

He is an awesome worker outside of school. Frustratingly, if he does not see how he will really use what he is learning, he just is not interested – and just will not try. “I was short-sighted,” is how I would judge my view of education in high school – of course, I was in college when I realized that. It appears short-sightedness is a common high school ailment.

Have you ever have this conversation, “If you cannot succeed in school, you cannot succeed in life.

“What? If I don’t do well in English, I won’t succeed? How does that work with cars?”

They need to realize that, “English doesn’t matter. Math doesn’t matter. History and Science? Well, really they don’t matter.  There’s something you do in each class, that if you cannot master, you will utterly fail at everything you do in life:

Without the ability to do that, you cannot hold a job. Who wants to hire someone who has not mastered the process of task completion? Would you hire someone to work in your auto shop who would not successfully complete the assignment you gave them?”

If you realize this then school is no longer about subject matter. It is about learning how to get the job done – whether you like the job or not.

As a parent, you can take things away like social events, phones, games and privileges. Sometimes it works; sometimes it does not. We pray every morning that we do our best as a gift to God. I pray that God gives me the right words at the right moments. The teen years are like the Dark Ages, followed by the Age of Enlightenment and Reformation. What is obvious to me – or even obvious to them before they hit a certain age – leaves me baffled.

But I accepted this assignment. I am going to complete it with determination (not give up and do the best I can even if all I have to get through is faith).  And I will turn it in (I will be held accountable for the job I’ve done – my grade might not be perfect – but I can claim I did my best)!

 

Too Much Too Soon

Did you hear about the New York mom who sued her daughter’s preschool because it hadn’t properly prepared her four-year-old for entrance exams for an elite education?

“It is no secret that getting a child into the Ivy League starts in nursery school,” reads one tenet of the lawsuit.

I don’t care how smart your kid is, when college-like competitiveness overtakes the creativity and wonder of childhood, something is wrong.

Recent research released by MIT and UC Berkley seems to agree. Slate Magazine reported the study and concluded, “New research shows that teaching kids more and more, at ever-younger ages, may backfire.”

For years, we’ve been crafting strategies for preschoolers around the idea that they’ll understand better if we “teach less for more.”

The concept is simple: figure out what the most important learning points are, then focus on those few but essential points.

The Manhattan mom’s complaint was that her child wasn’t getting enough information to score well on a test called the “Education Review Board (ERB) Comprehensive Program Testing (CPT) version 4.”

No wonder the researcher concludes: “Ours is an age of pedagogy. Anxious parents instruct their children more and more, at younger and younger ages, until they’re reading books to babies in the womb. They pressure teachers to make kindergartens and nurseries more like schools.”

Somewhere, we’ve forgotten why the “pre” is in the word “preschool.”

In one of the studies, the researcher gave children tubes made of bright colors. For some, she gave explicit instructions: “This is how this is supposed to work. See what you can make it do.” For others, she offered a more open-ended experience, “Look at these toys. What can you do with them?”

The first set of kids played precisely, but were careful to stay within the lines. They had shorter playtimes and lost interest quickly. The second group went wild, turning those tubes into rockets and squeakers and toys the researchers had never imagined. By teaching too much, we narrow the potential for creativity.

Too often, we follow the lead of those who would force an ever-expanding catalog of facts and figures in the minds of our youngest students. Even in our churches.

Does it really matter if your three-year-old can name every book of the Bible, in order and backwards, if they don’t know that God made them, God loves them and Jesus wants to be their friend forever?

Imagine where you want your preschooler to be when he’s a college freshman. Then relax. Realize that you’ve got the many rhythms and seasons of life to lead your kids to that important place. By selecting the most important wisdom for the most pivotal times in your young person’s life, you’ll be providing the best education possible. No admissions test necessary.

What pressures do you feel in educating your children? Do you feel like you’re competing with other’s expectations of them? What are the important things you really want them to know?

 

Dan’s Stance on Alcohol

I realize that the Bible does not take a hard stand on drinking alcohol. And I know that in today’s Christian culture people are “social” drinkers. Hip/cool Christians drink. (Yeah.) And yes, I realize being a follower of Christ involves more than a beverage choice.

Well, I am a bit of an old fashioned, stick-in-the-mud, fuddy-duddy on this one but my “no alcohol for Dan” stance has served me well over the years. It’s an amazing phenomenon that if you never start drinking, you never have a problem with drinking. Ever. If alcoholism is a disease (doubtful) then not drinking is one simple way to keep the virus away. Stunning little fact, huh?

Realizing that Jesus did not make a big deal about wine and even made some at a wedding reception, there are still some interesting statements in the Bible about alcohol.

Hands down the most amazing scripture in the Bible about alcohol is found in Jeremiah. In this story Jeremiah (as in Jeremiah prophet of God and writer of the book of Jeremiah) told the Rekabites to drink wine. They refused based on the fact that their grandfather Rekab told them NOT to drink wine. God sided with Rekab over Jeremiah! Stunning. God did not side with His own prophet. God then told the Rekabite family that they would always have someone in their family that served God because they listened to Rekab, ignored Jeremiah and refused to drink. Wow!

Jeremiah 35:5-8

⁵ Then I (Jeremiah) set bowls full of wine and some cups before the Rekabites and said to them, “Drink some wine.”

⁶ But they replied, “We do NOT drink wine, because our forefather Jehonadab son of Rekab gave us this command: ‘Neither you nor your descendants must EVER drink wine.

⁷ Also you must never build houses, sow seed or plant vineyards; you must never have any of these things, but must always live in tents. Then you will LIVE A LONG TIME in the land where you are nomads.

⁸ We have obeyed everything our forefather Jehonadab son of Rekab commanded us. Neither we nor our wives nor our sons and daughters have EVER drunk wine

Jeremiah 55:18-19

¹⁸ Then Jeremiah said to the family of the Rekabites, “This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘You have obeyed the command of your forefather Jehonadab and have followed all his instructions and have done everything he ordered.’

¹⁹ Therefore this is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘Jehonadab son of Rekab will NEVER FAIL to have a descendant to serve me.’”

Cool family promise. They will always have SOMEONE serving God.

Could it be that while drinking may not be a sin, there is still some spiritual value in NOT drinking?

Well, anyway…

Here are some of the cool benefits from this obviously simple policy. Because I don’t drink…

1. I don’t vomit into toilets after going out (only when I get the flu).

2. I remember what happened last night (mostly).

3. I don’t crave it and go through physical/mental anguish when I don’t have it.

4. I don’t embarrass myself in public (or at least not because I’m drunk).

5. I don’t embarrass my family/friends by doing stupid stuff (or at least not as much).

6. I have fewer wrecks and don’t go to jail when I do. (I’m not a great driver even sober. I would be a state-wide threat if I drank.)

7. I save some money.

8. I don’t get in stupid fights (most fights are stupid).

9. It has been a lot easier to focus on things that matter.

10. And maybe my extended family might benefit from my decision/example, like the Rekabites.

I don’t mean to act all judgmental. It just seems we ignore some obvious, long term benefits of simply choosing beverages that don’t alter our brain. I don’t know if drinking is a sin, it’s just not the smartest decision you can make.

Maybe I’m crazy, but this little policy works for me.